WARNING: Content contains links to NSFW material
With Valentine’s Day on the horizon and Fifty Shades Darker in theaters this weekend, we decided to ask ourselves a few delicate questions…
How do you approach sex scenes in your writing? Do you avoid the subject altogether? Are they necessary? When should they be used? At some point in your writing life, you may have to take on writing sex scenes. And unless you’re a seasoned pro on the topic, diving right in can be problematic. I should say right now that there will no doubt be a lot of unintended puns. You’re certainly welcome to read this article in the mindset of a 14-year-old-boy.
Writing sex scenes is tricky even for the heavyweights. One false move and you might as well insert a laugh track or crickets SFX. Unless that is your goal. Why is so difficult to get it right?
“Sex is both something deeply intimate and personal and at the same time something that society and culture has built up a lot of significance, meaning and morality around, meaning that there is a lot to balance,” according to TV Tropes. Also, unless the sex advances the story or reveals something about a character or is the centerpiece, sex can seem clunky, fake, distracting, or even tacked on. Disastrously, it can be humorous when not intended to be. Onscreen sex is a sticky wicket. Ahem.
For me, less is more. A conversation, a nuanced line, or a light touch can be a lot more sensual than the old kiss and strip. BTW, does anyone actually do that in real life? For years, I’ve watched people slam their faces together onscreen and then try to undress as they flail across the room like a drunk octopus trying to hot wire a Vespa and usually, it just makes me laugh. Am I the only one? But I digress.
A slow burn is also nice. Makes for a satisfying sex scene when it eventually happens, even if the sex is awkward, disastrous, and funny. And real. Real in the sense that sex can reveal something more about the characters. Sex often times is not about sex.
In an episode of Togetherness (“Houston, We Have a Problem”) writers Jay and Mark Duplass and Steve Zissis (who plays Alex on the show) use a sex scene between Brett (Mark Duplass) and Michelle (Melanie Lynskey) to bring their marriage problems to a head. The script navigates the complicated waters of a marriage on the rocks, headed for doom, full of depressing mirth. It’s a masterful piece of writing.
I also like a little mystery. What’s not shown is way more sexier than a full-on rodeo complete with circus clowns and requisite car. The couple talks, things are said, someone makes a move, cut to the after shot. Post coital vaping optional. Or simply never show the sex but have the pair (trio or group, the math is up to you) reference it later. People like to use their imaginations. Graphic sex scenes are like showing the monster. Once you’ve seen it, well, the thrill is diminished. See, told you could read this article as a 14-year-old boy.
When sex is written well, it can be quite powerful. Diana Gabaldon has made a successful career writing about sex, intimacy, and all of the levels of human sexuality in her wildly popular book series, Outlander. Oh, and there’s a ton of history and some magic in there too.
Bringing the books to screen could have been a fumble, but showrunner and executive producer Ronald D. Moore has not let fans down. Mainly, because he listened to the author and the voices around him. Many of them women.
Moore is absolutely rabid about getting the sex scenes right. He urged his writers to find a new level. “We’re not doing TV sex. TV sex is not real sex. No one has sex like that.’ And they would all laugh and say, ‘Yeah, that’s true. So what do you want to do?’ I said, ‘Just do it like the real deal,’ ” Moore explained to Variety.
His approach was to find the reasons for the scene to exist. “Why are we going to do this? What’s the story reason? What’s the character reason?” Moore says. “It’s not just about getting to see them naked again, because we’ve seen them naked, and they’re hot. We get it.”
Outlander producer and writer Anne Kenney wrote the episode “The Wedding” where the young Scotsman, Jamie, loses is virginity on his wedding night to wife Claire (Caitriona Balfe). Kenney said that Gabaldon’s books gave her a wealth of explicit material to work from, but she approached the scene from another direction. “Still, it wasn’t a conscious choice on my behalf to sit down and write this hot sex scene. It happened more organically. This was a scene written by a woman (Gabaldon), adapted by a woman (Kenney) and directed by a woman (Anna Foerster). When women are in positions to make decisions and choices behind-the-scenes, you will often get to see something a little different on-screen,” Kenney explained.
The scene was a huge hit with both book and screen fans. Just google “Jamie Fraser’s butt gifs” and you’ll find out. Aye, you’re welcome, Sassenach.
When it comes to sex, no creator and writer is more different than Lena Dunham. Girls pretty much blows the lid off of TV sex, with varying results. Some say her approach is bold. Others think Dunham is simply out to shock.
It’s hard to choose which scene stands out the most, but probably one of the most over the top comes from season 4 (“Iowa”) and involved Marnie (Allison Williams) getting motorboated from behind by her boyfriend Desi (Ebon Moss-Bachrach). The reactions ran the gamut from shock to disgust to downright boredom.
Many thought the scene, written by Dunham and executive producer Judd Apatow, was unnecessary. Jezebel writer Anna Merlan said, “Counterpoint: that butt scene looked bad, dumb, and desperately unfun and unsexy.”
Apatow explained Dunham’s goals regarding sex for the show. “From the beginning, we were aware that what we were doing was sexually provocative, and that’s what made it interesting and new and fun. Lena wanted to reveal something that is normally hidden — so often you’re not talking about a giant part of most people’s lives because people don’t want to portray it on film — and that opened up tons of stories that you’re usually not able to tell.” In fact, one scene the pair wrote was so explicit, even HBO had to draw the line. Now that’s saying something.
Compared to Girls, the Fifty Shades of Grey series seems rather tame. Or lame. Depending upon whom you ask. Many felt the screen version was just as silly as the first book. A good many others enjoyed the adaptation. It made $571 million at the box office.
For those who thought the first film was more One Shade of Beige, that could be attributed to the many clashes between director Sam Taylor-Johnson and author E.L. James. Taylor-Johnson wanted to take a more subtle approach, one that actors Dakota Johnson (Anastasia Steele) and Jamie Dornan (Christian Grey) preferred while James pressed for more sex, according to The Hollywood Reporter.
Shades screenwriter Kelly Marcel certainly didn’t enjoy her experience. She had the daunting task of adapting a book with record-breaking sales and an international following to screen. “I very much wanted to do something different with the screenplay, and when I spoke to the studio and the producers and made that quite clear, they were very enthusiastic about that and loved the things I wanted to do,” Marcel told Bret Easton Ellis’s podcast, as reported by Vulture. “When I delivered that script was when I realized that all of them saying, ‘Yeah, absolutely this is what we want!,’ and, ‘You can write anything you like and get crazy and artistic with it’ — that was utter, utter bullsh*t.”
Marcel’s script might have saved the film from scathing reviews. “I didn’t want the story to be linear; I wanted it to begin at the end of the film, and for us to meet in the middle. So you start with the spanking, and you have these sort of flashes that go throughout the film. … I wanted to take the inner goddess out, and all of Ana’s inner monologue. … I wanted to remove a lot of the dialogue. I felt it could be a really sexy film if there wasn’t so much talking in it.” Yep and amen. Less talking in this case may have been the key. Also, the inner goddess dialogue from the books? Yeesh.
Marcel has yet to see the film. Perhaps Fifty Shades Darker, written by Niall Leonard and E.L. James’s husband, will fare better.
A friend and I were talking about sex scenes and I realized that to date, I had written exactly two and both were awkward and funny, mostly in the style of Aziz Ansari’s Master of None where no one is really sexy and the possibility of getting popped in the head or pulling something was more probable than onscreen steam. I did a riff on the whole strip and kiss thing as well. My writing sensibility of onscreen sex is more Sleeper and Bridesmaids than Y Tu Mamá También.
But maybe it’s time to write a few scenes as a challenge. My friend said he sometimes read fanfiction to get a general idea of tastes and he says he’s learned a lot from fanfic writers. I thought that was kind of strange, a little voyeuristic, but I’m a person who likes to try new techniques. So… I went on Tumblr, found a random fandom and was quite surprised as how astute and superb these writers are. I recommend it. But… I should warn you, if you are easily offended, the fanfic world may not be for you. Some of it is OUT THERE. Fanfic could either fire up your motorboat or sink it.
Interestingly, E.L. James got her start in fanfic. Specifically Twilight fanfic under the name Snowqueens Icedragon. Her writing has been dissed by many critics, but you can’t argue with over 100 million books sold, a net worth of $50 million, and the magical power of taking erotic fiction mainstream. Can you?
What’s your approach to sex and intimacy? Are you more a star filter fade to black after 6 seconds of kissing kind of writer? Or are you pushing the boundaries such as Lars von Trier’s Nymphomaniac: Volumes I and II? Or just leaving it out all together. Please share any thoughts, tips, tricks, reactions, or snark.